emails from my wife

We have triplets. Sometimes my wife is alone with them.

March 27, 2014

So I hear alice having a time, I go in and she’s got her pants off and her shirt up over her head (The Great Cornholio). Paul has no pants, no diaper and his batman shirt is off over his head, but his arms are still in their respective places.

They are now in Jammies and alice is PISSED. Like so angry.

Well, now there’s two of us.


March 26, 2014

So we are not napping today, apparently. Fuck naps. And the horse they didn’t ride in on.

March 25, 2014

Subject: I made paul cry

Just not the way you’d think.

So he had the opposite book and was talking about the hippos who whisper and the other hippo that shouts. I asked him if he knew how to whisper, then demonstrated. Then I demonstrated talking in a loud voice for shouting. Nothing angry or mean, just upped the volume.

Then I saw the saddest face I ever saw. I gave him hugs and told him I was sorry I scared him.

Seriously, I’ve been way worse – you know, yelling like a crazy person. I was literally saying this, “Shouting is when you talk loud! Whispering is when you speak quietly….” in their respective tones.Of course, now he’s losing his mind because I won’t let him have Golden Graham on the high chair. So, it’s pretty much a wash.

March 20, 2014

Okay, no naps for Alice. Unreal. She is beyond tired.

March 19, 2014

Alice is doing a wonderful job coloring. Makes me happy.

March 17, 2014

Her: Someone from the front office is looking for you. You haven’t been abducted have you? Blink once for yes. Twice for no.

Me: Nah, I left my grade book in one of the rooms and they thought I had gone home already.

Her: It’s funny because I can’t see you blink.

March 17, 2014

Alice is going to take a nap probably at the exact same time the speech therapist gets here. It’s going to be great.

March 14, 2014

This may need some revamping, but I propose we eliminate “snack” spending and implement reward spending.

March 14, 2014

So, you know how I’ve been going on about how I need something to motivate me to do stuff without becoming a harpy and getting into your business?


March 10, 2014

I remember when 6 p.m. meant it was almost time to put them to bed. Got probably another hour before that even starts to be a possibility. F.M.L.