emails from my wife

We have triplets. Sometimes my wife is alone with them.

March 10, 2014

I remember when 6 p.m. meant it was almost time to put them to bed. Got probably another hour before that even starts to be a possibility. F.M.L.

March 10, 2014

Subject: So…

No one’s jumped out of the crib yet… but no one is napping either… so… draw?

March 6, 2014

A full-blown meltdown occurred when I went to get them juice, only to find that absolutely zero juice is currently in existence in the house. Milk is apparently shit.

March 3, 2014

We’re out of Os and could use some beans. I don’t really know what to do about that.

Feb. 19, 2014

Small Paul’s rendition of magnet sounds like dammit.

Feb. 18, 2014

So, Ellie and Paul are doing the tongue waggle thing (blahdablahdablahda) but then follow it up by declaring Poopy! or PeePee! So it reads: blahdablahdablahda Poopy! blahdablahdablahda PeePee!

Ellie and Paul will often alternate depending on which one the other concluded with.

It is hilarious and I haven’t been discouraging it.

Feb. 13, 2014

In other news, before I got this call I took the kids outside for 30 minutes. Fuck the police!

Feb. 12, 2014

Paul is currently the only one losing his shit. Girls are sleeping.

I want a beer…

Feb. 12, 2014

Subject: Alice is okay

She flipped herself over the couch and got pale but didn’t pass out. She’s perfectly fine and has learned nothing from the experience.

Feb. 10, 2014

Why won’t alice nap? I mean, come on!!


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